Difficult Interactions at work:
these are the notes I’ve taken from an online corse that my company has given me access to.
A key step to success at work is maintain positive work relationships.
Possible causes for avoiding difficult interactions and possible solutions:
-Fear of personal conflict = realize that conflict is uncomfortable. Focus on positive outcomes.
-Fail to recognize there is a problem = think of what relationships at work might be uncomfortable.
-Believing a difficult interaction is someone else’s fault = Be open that you could be a contributor to the conflict. Identify how you might improve the situation.
-Avoid believe that things can’t be fixed = concentrate upon not trying to change someone else but to change yow you interact with one another. Do this by changing your behavior.
-Accepting what is because you don’t know how to manage the outcome = evaluate if the fix will be better than the current problem. If it’s worth it than take steps for altering the situation.
-Believe that problem will be fixed by itself = remember that most problems stay problem untio fixed.
Improvement is possible:
-“I always prefer to believe the best in everybody—it saves so much time.” Rudyard Kipling
-Rewards of managing difficult interactions can be worth the effort.
a. difficult situations are easier to handle
b. prevent issues from escalating
c. engage in more productive conversations.
d. feel a great freedom to take actions in tough situations and a strong sense of self respect.
e. You strength working relationships.
-relationships require work and practice.
a. understand the role of differences in difficult interactions.
b. decide which difficult interactions require intervention and which can be let go.
c. identify facts in a tough situation.
d. uncover emotions raised by the situation.
e. clarify concerns about self-image where conflict can raise.
f. explore options for solving the problem
g. also need to address conflicts among your direct reports.
Differences in position and interests:
-Difficult interactions come from two people with different positions/stances and interests/desires at stake concerning a particular subjects.
-The more you can focus on interests, the more likely it is that you can settle differences. An example is if you need a boss be present to help with a team offer him long weekends to use as vacation instead of being absent for an entire week.
Differences in perceptions, motivations, and style.
A: views management directives more important than B does
You’re motivated by quality
You like to put all isses on the table at one
You prefer updates through written communication
B: not as worried about management directives
B motivated by personal achievement
B likes to grapple with problems one at a time.
B likes updates through informal communication
Differences in life experiences and cultural background:
-A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.” – William James
-Each person’s life experiences influence their assumptions about how he world should work, and what can reasonably be expected of others. This is influenced by cultural background, education, professional, gender, age and race. Example: young team employees might not respect a 61 yr. web designer.
Know what you’re getting into:
Difficult interactions takes time, patience, & energy. Your primary aim is to invest your time and energy wisely.—in situations that have the best chance of being improved.
You’ll need to master techniques of getting into the facts behind a situation, understanding the emotions involved and dealing with concerns about self image that often accompany these situations.
Ask where the real conflict starts with you
If a manager takes direct reports problem and your work load and work hours increase.
You may be uncomfortable in returning jobs back to the rightful owners is that you may worry of appearing as an incompetent manager.
Honesty consider why you are trying to take on other’s problems.
Examine your motives:
You may want to vent your frustration to relive the presume but before you do consider the long term consequences of that.
Dealing with high-maintenance individuals:
-those people need to be told earlier what the rules of engagement are.
And if the pain of dealing with them outweighs the gain, they have to go.
-if you work with a person a lot that would be a person you would want to work on getting along with .
Consider the potential for improvement:
-see what the history is of the person who is offensive. Have previous workers encountered the same thing you have? Seek help from employees who are geared to address employee issues.
-the problem follows the employee when you transfers them to a different area of the company. = formally discipline employee if can’t learn to be respectful of others. Give a course of action that can be monitored.
-Personal problems at home gives an employee I don’t care at work.= try to avoid being on the same team who can’t carry their responsibilities.
-one can’t force others to change when they don’t want to. May need to accept things as is.
Two sides to every story:”
Two employees will see situation from unique angles.
Need to explore these facts through frank conversation.
Each employee involves views base on set of facts that are important to that employee.
Share and explain your impression of what is going on and give references of past experiences or knowledge that had given you the insights you have and have the other person do the same thing
Assessing the Facts
You may find that a coworkers reasons for things happening a certain way is legit and they’re not trying to be difficult
Acknowledge that you may be contributing to the problem and ask the other person to do so as well. (me: I might ask do you see from my perspective why I might be misinterpreting your actions?
Price of suppressing emotions:
-Different feelings may differ dramatically from person to person.
-You need to each express your emotions.
-Emotion can come out in body and facial expressions and long pauses.
-When emotional, people may try to avoid one another.
-Maybe write down the various terms of emotions and see which ones match your feelings
-Attempts to cloak emotion might be displayed in the phrases 1. If you said… 2. You may be 3. And you may be feeling
-Explore the other persons intent and facts (they may have legitimate reasons)
-Examine your contributions to the problem. i.e. if you to9ld people to devote energy to getting tasks done over paper work than you might not have as much strength in getting mad at someone who does what you say.
-Ask what assumptions are causing your feelings. (you maybe have made a wrong assumption behind another’s actions.
-Express your emotions and include the various emotions you feel
-Invite the other person to identify their emotions. i.e. what else might be bothering you about this situation or offer observations: you’re not looking me in the eye. Are you feeling embarrassed about how the presentation went?
Address feelings about self-image:
-when you hear a criticism it may begin to make you feel uncertain of your abilities.
-self-image comes from different assumptions, good person, I care about employees, I’m committed to co. etc. people don’t like seeing themselves in the negative.
“No one can make us feel inferior without our consent” Eleanor Roosevelt
-many people will view self-image as either/or such as loyal or disloyal not in between.
-self-image can cause one to bury their feelings, strike back or refuse to face the disagreement and move to a safer topic.
Handle threats to your self-image by:
-understand your self-image. By anticipating that you might experience anxiety or defensiveness over specific elements of self-image you are better able to control those emotions when they feel in threat.
-adopt a both/and mindset. Each person has a mix of positive and negative qualities, stretngths and weaknesses.
-accept imperfection: everyone makes mistakes.
-openly admit that you self-image might be threatened and they may to.
Tips for dissipating tension during difficult conversations:
-do more listening then talks
-play up similarities in interests and backgrounds and match the person’s gestures. Feelings of similarity lead to higher comfort levels and rapport.
-use appropriate humor-but don’t use humor that makes light of the other person’s concerns.
-acknowledge your contributions to the problem. Often the other person wil reciprocate and thus mutual obligation to be helpful.
Books:
Taking the stress out of stressful conversations by Holly weeks
Primal Leadership Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence: Daniel Coleman, Richard Boyatzis & Annie McKee
Dealing with Difficult People. The results-Driven Manager series
When Good people behave badly.
People smarts: Bending the Golden rule to give others what they want. by Tony Alessandra, Micha3el O’Connor and Janice Van Dyke.
Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to bring out the best in people at their worst: by Rick Brinkman, Rick Kirschner
Difficult People: How to Deal with impossible clients, bosses and employees.
Dealing with the Problem Employee: A legal guide by Amy Delpo and Lisa Guerin
