Every Word Matters, Revising Your Picture Book Manuscript Part B

These are notes from a writer’s conference. Any misinformation is the fault of the note taker. This is a continuation of notes on this subject.

Line by line edits:

Put each sentence on a different line. This allows you to exam the sentences individually and see where sentences are too long. Are there too many clauses or compound sentences. You need to vary the length of your sentences. Will the text keep their interest? If it’s too long, kids can lose interest.
Remove all the actions (as) Instead of as Della hopped over the bridge, Leo swam across the creek.
Simplify: Della hopped over the bridge. Leo swam across the creek.
If writing in past tense, avoid using was _ gerund.
She was laughing = she laughed.
He was dancing = he danced
Instead of verb + feeling: Don’t say what the character is feeling. Show it through actions and context. Instead of ‘She cried with sadness.’ Change to “Her heart grew heavy, and the weight of it pulled her down…down… down… where the salt of her tears mingled with the sea.” This does not cut word count but trims unhelpful words. The sentence above also has rhythm, which makes it fun to read.
Cut the filler words. Don’t let your adverbs and adjectives overpower your verbs. The action is what’s important. Cut: just, very, seriously, really some, rather, little, even, perhaps, maybe, seem, that. Some filter words may be necessary, but most are not. Check every one.
Replace passive voice with active voice.
Instead of: Alma Sophia Esperanza Jose Pura Candeeela was given a long name
Use Alma Sophia Esperanza Jose Pura Candeeela had a long name.

Simplifying Scenes:

Picture books don’t need to be complex. Stick to the necessary scenes that involve the character’s obstacles and goals. Within each scene, study the following:
Character: do you have supporting characters who are necessary to the plot? Other characters may be in pictures but have no txt.
Setting: how many places does your character need to be to accomplish their goal?
You can skips words and get your character where they need to be.
Picture books don’t need to be complex. Stick to the necessary scenes that involve the character’s obstacles and goals. In each scene, study the following:
Action: too much action can be confusing and bog down the story line. Keep the action necessary and relevant to your character’s goal.

Wondrous Words:

From a book: