There was a webinar hosted by Write4Kids where two editors reviews seven manuscripts and gave suggests. Any misinformation is the fault of the note taker. The two editors are Bonnie Johnson and Laura Backas (host)

Text:

• Story (plot line things that need foreshadowing.
• Screen edit (make sure it’s pulling its weight. feels like a little story by itself, start, middle and end. How you are expressing in actions, dialog and emotional impact.
• Sentence level language tell story beautifully.
• Each editing stage requires a separate mindset.

Picture book:

• Story level fix passive characters that don’t make decisions in the plot. So scenes don’t carry weight in the story. The protagonist is not taking charge. Suggestion: write the story completely from the child’s perspective.
• Opening needs a lot of work. Typical day, a typical is very vague. There is no strong visual image. Does not tell the reader anything. It could be deleted.
• Look for sentences where the characters are not doing anything. At the start of the story, give the character some action. (Maybe child and dog are playing. the child says, “you’ve jumped four feet that is the highest you’ve jumped ever.” an action could show what type of the character he or she is. start the scene with him interacting with the dog.
• Look for unnecessary telling. Such as telling what is happening and then shows same activity.
• The mound of hair is mentioned twice. In a picture book, you don’t need words on the page that the illustration will tell.
• Picture book needs to leave room for the picture.
• Protagonist needs to face the problem. He is stuck in the ball of fur.
• Story has some great visual potential here.
• See how problem will evolve.
• Words lay the foundation of the plot; thoughts give how a character feels
• But the picture will show visual humor.
• Don’t need words to tell the visual. Only do words that can’t be drawn.

Middle grade:

• Cool setting
• See what sentences can be broken up.
• If you have, a lot of actins maybe break into several paragraphs so readers can have time to digest events.
• There is some unnecessary telling.
• Sentences are strong and vivid.
• The stakes are high.
• Could feel character’s emotions.

Rhyming Picture books.

• Liked the concept that the child’s shoes are the source of the child’s imagination.
• Opening had a different rhythm and meter in the first stanza and it changes on the others.
• If keep first stanza have it match the others or have it different to show it’s an intro.
• Need to have rhymes and meter consistent.
• Make sure the text stays in the character’s voice.
• Be aware you stay constituent in rhyming and pattern
• Have the whole story is in the character’s perspective.
• External actions such as the mother may come from the artists’ notes.
• In this PB, the artist notes are not needed.

Middle grade:

• Texts says middle ray but actions of kids sounds like a teen
• This text describes the same character in multiple ways. Maybe the protagonist can give the other person blond hair of just give the name or a nickname.
• We don’t get any internal dialog here.
• If Swifty (name of character) wanted a dog, you could expand that to a memory of asking his parents.
• As he sweeps the floors, he can look at the dogs and have him think of the dogs and that lets us understand Swifty more.
• You could add some sensory details.
• Middle grade can be up to 10-14 upper middle grades.

Picture book biography:

• The use of language to create rhythms works well. The language creates motion.
• There are some nice auditory details.
• The ending sentence is very abstract. Have the last line have the protagonist do something.
• Some of the words sound more adult than child.
• Fist two sentences are quite long. Maybe break them up.

Chapter book or young middle grade.

• 7-10 is the common age for chapter books.
• Great passage. There are some powerful verbs.
• It feels very dynamic. Great pacing.
• Some of the scene is confusing visually.
• Some sentences are more complex than the others. May not want to put a metaphor sentence in the middle of an action scene. Maybe replace metaphor line with action.

Middle grade biographical collection:

• Enjoyed the piece.
• Good job in picking interesting facts.
• If put in modern commentary to historical text maybe put them in () or to be consistent to have the whole text be casual. The formal and unformal kind of loses its potential
• Consider sidebar that provide more straightforward facts in the text and have the lighter tone in the main texts.

Q: what warnings do you have on internal dialog?

• Thinks something and then says the same thing out loud.
• Best use of internal dialog to highlight somethings that is learned no other way. It may show a contrast to the scene.
• Be careful of having a character saying something obvious. If readers are having the same thoughts, don’t have the character say it.

Q: Some authors don’t share name or gender until scenes later in the story.

• Need to find a way to bring it in. Another character could say “hey girl”. The character could do a behavior that might be identified a feminine.
• If you write for middle grade or chapter book, you don’t want a reader to be confused. They’ll put the book down.

Q: Suggestions on picking names:

• Words have resonance.
• Sound can convey personality. The name may help identify the character’s personality.
• Read a name out loud and see how difficult it is to pronounce.

Q: How do you feel about past tense?

• It is more intrusive and ‘was’ is more turn-out-able.
• Use past tense if you don’t want the character to be intrusive.
• Picture books can be past or present tense. The story needs to be unfolding in the reader’s eyes.