I love when I can learn things from others and I thought why not post them here of things I’ve learned: The text is from material I’ve writien and the suggstions are given by other writers on how I can improve. As I improve my craft, why not come along for the ride. Heeee Hawwwww
A verses The
“Don’t weasel out on me, cub,” Tarrant countered as they had reached to the collection of rocks higher up the water fall. “Underground they won’t help at all. We’ll use the moons’ light to help us climb out of the well. Stop fretting, your mom will never know and Uncle Maken will never have the chance to report us to Constable Trenny.”
“the collection,” should be “a collection,” because the indicates a specific collection of rocks. For readers to know which collection of rocks, the rocks have to have been mentioned prior.
Tar ran to the water’s edge and with a yell, threw himself in. Water went everywhere, drenching Klair and making him gasp from the cold. Before he could change his mind, he made his own flying leap and went under coming up gasping from the frigid water. The lamps had only been temporarily dunked and their tight seals maintained their flames as the two of them held them up above the water.
Before he could change his mind, he made his own flying leap. He came up gasping on the opposite bank.
I realize they go down the river but consider how this moves things along. I feel like the prose gets stuck sometimes on a bunch of small actions which slows down the pacing.
The small cave on the opposite side barely fit the two of them and their equipment. Tarrant finally give the signal for the two lanterns to be lit. They were of very high quality that miner Scov normally used for his work in Merrsain’s mines. He had given them to his mother. They were the closest thing to water proof light.
There are also a couple of other issues. One is pronoun identification. The pronoun generally refers to the last-named character of the same gender (possessive excepted). So who gave them to his mother? Tarrant or Miner Scov.
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